For May though it's a bit of a soppy "pass the sick bucket" one.
This month I have discovered a lot., mainly about my life.
I discovered that there is absolutely no point in complaining about things if
1: you have no control over them
2: you do have control over them but do nothing about it.
For so long I complained about my weight, and the way I looked in general, yet never did anything about it. Some of it was out of my control because I was/am/was/am a comfort eater and you can't just control that and switch it off.
I got fed up with complaining about it, and I got fed up with people saying "do something about it then". It was the obvious most sensible advice, but it was hard to hear.
I suppose mentally I wasn't ready to take control and to sort myself out. I also couldn't accept that it was possible.
Then, it just kind of happened, and I somehow seem to be 2 stone lighter and I haven't gone back to my old ways. Takeaways don't appeal, snacking doesn't appeal, larger portions don't appeal to me whatsoever.
I have got myself into a routine and it's working.
I'm eating better, I'm drinking more water, I'm exercising, and I feel in control.
It's a really nice feeling. And I'm discovering that not only is all this possible, but also, underneath the mess I had created, I am still there.
My body will never be perfect, I won't be pretty to everyone, but if I can feel confident and can feel happy to look in the mirror and am able to spot the good as well as the bad then I can't complain at that.
I have discovered that you don't have to have lots of friends around you, and that having a small number of friends is absolutely fine.
It's also fine if two of those friends live really far away, because technology keeps them by your side at all times.
I have discovered that maybe there are people out there who actually like me. Who actually want to talk to me everyday. There are people that maybe see me as a special part of their life, as I do them.
I have discovered that friendship is real, despite my past experiences. Not everyone is going to let me down.
I can't trust people 100%, but to be able to feel some trust is a big milestone for me.
I will always have doubts but I've discovered that I can let my guard down but also keep a bit up to protect myself.
I have discovered that surrounding myself with people I want to be like, people I admire is good for me. I truly believe that you become like those you surround yourself with, which wasn't a good thing for me for a while. Now I have these people around me who make me feel good. Their happiness rubs off on me, their positivity rubs off on me, and I quite like the person I am.
I am proud of ways I have dealt with certain things and how I have reacted in certain situations, and I know this would all have been different if it wasn't for those around me who helped me along, even without knowing.
I have discovered that sometimes you have to make hard decisions and big changes in your life, it doesn't make you a bad person. To outsiders it might, but in your heart you will know if it is the right thing or not.
Thinking back to those decisions and changes, or questioning them isn't a bad thing. It's a way of coping, and also, it's a reminder of how well I have done and comforts me when I realise I did the best for me.
I have discovered that anti-depressants were the best decision for me. And despite side effects of hot flushes sometimes and not being able to sleep, the happiness I feel is totally worth it.
I'm not better, I still have dark days, I still have ups and downs...but there are definitely a lot of positive changes.
I have discovered that putting myself first sometimes isn't a bad thing.
I have discovered that 2014 has been a fantastic year so far and that the rest of it is pretty exciting and mapping out to be rather wonderful.
I have discovered that being me isn't all that bad. Even if it is really tough sometimes.
