I think I'm quite good at being able to not compare my life to those online.
"Comparison is the thief of joy".
Sometimes it can be hard. I don't have a big social circle, in fact the majority of my friends live around the country so it's not easy to just all get together. My family is small, other than my boyfriends family which is quite large however they live in the Netherlands so it's not like we can all easily get together. So I can have feelings of sadness when I see photos around Summer and Christmas of people socialising in these big groups but then also, I have to remind myself, that my social battery would not be able to cope with that so much.
The hardest thing though is holidays. Seeing people share photos of their children on a plane, swimming at a pool at the hotel in a warm country.
I took my boys to Tenerife in 2016, the only other time we have been abroad since I've been a solo parent was last year when we went over to the Netherlands for a long weekend to celebrate a wedding. We also had a trip to the Isle of Man in 2019 to watch the TT, however this was a wash out due to the weather and we only saw 1 practice race the whole time we were there.
Other than that we've also had a trip to Bluestone in Wales (which was only possible because I was offered it as a blog review and which they still say is the best holiday they've ever been on) and then in 2022 we had a 4 night caravan holiday at Haven in Bognor Regis, something I was able to get at a reduced rate due to work employee benefits.
I looked this year at being able to take my boys away, even just a staycation in the UK, but can't afford it on a single income. The dream would be to be able to take them somewhere hot. I looked into it for next year, wondering if I could spread the costs monthly but still, it's not manageable.
I feel guilty. Especially when my boys say that their friends are going on holiday. They never make me feel bad about it. It's my own guilt.
I feel guilty that last year I went to Crete and this year I'm going to Tenerife without them, but my boyfriend paid for both of these holidays (and to be honest, the price for two of us is crazy anyway).
My boyfriend said something that stuck with me and is something I remind myself of constantly, and have told my boys just in case it is something they think about that they don't share with me.
I take them on a lot of days out. We tend to have something planned the majority of the weekends we are together. Various car events (including a 1 night hotel stay this year so we could make a weekend of it), visits to Jimmy's Farm, days out in London (usually when Greater Anglia do their Hare Fare offer which means a return train journey is only £22), Experience Days which make great Christmas or Birthday presents, theatre shows, cinema, local trips to arcades or bowling, even Pub Fridays. All of these add up, especially when you add £10 here and £10 there for an ice cream, drinks, picnics and so on.
On top of that I do treat my boys at Christmas and on their birthdays.
I'm really proud of the amount of things I do with them. How we can already look back on this year and say "we've done A LOT". We have a lot of memories we have made from these odd days out rather than a full week's holiday and I have to appreciate that.
To be able to afford a holiday it would be a case of balance and sacrifice. To cut back on days out, treats, having an ice cream, Pub Fridays, to be able to save up to be able to afford a basic holiday. Well then, there's that other level of guilt.
I'm salaried so there's no option of extra paid overtime, not in a commission based role, bonuses don't really benefit me due to being on Universal Credits and a second job is not possible.
I know I do a lot with them, a lot more than other parents do (not just based on "social media comparison" but people I know). My monthly highlights always include fun things we've done which include quality family time and happy memories.
It's that battle, the battle of I love everything we do, everything we experience, but I would love nothing more than to be around the pool at a hotel abroad watching them in the pool. Experiencing another culture, different foods, exploring another country. Relaxing without the demands of day to day life and housework, and what to cook for dinner.
